Driving down a country road, I saw something teetering in the middle of my lane. As I got closer, I realized it was a turtle turned over onto its back, and flailing about, trying to upright itself. I pulled over and turned around to go help it. As I ran back to it, I saw a line of cars coming. The first two avoided it, but the third, a pickup truck, hit it with a sickening crunch. I was only a few feet away, and I threw my arms up to shield my face from the resultant trajectory of fluids. I failed you, Mr. Turtle, but you have not passed through this world unnoticed, nor have you been forgotten.
I feel so alone. I’m in Florida with some friends from high school, and their friends from college. Everyone but me is racist and homophobic. Everyone just wants to get drunk, and the guys went to Hooters. I hate it. I really miss my friends from my university. All I want is a quiet day of hanging out. Also the people here listen to the shittiest music, over and over again. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard the same 10 songs over and over and over. I can’t believe I rode in a car for 15 hours for this. I’m on my first spring break ever, and all I want is to get back home.
I can’t go home, because things are very rough in my relationship between me, my parents and my family, nor can I afford the time or gas to drive thirty-plus miles to campus and back every single day. But I can’t afford to stay on campus either, and buy myself meals, nor do I belong anywhere. I shouldn’t stay at people’s houses, because it makes everyone, including myself, uncomfortable. And the worst part is feeling like a moocher.
But it’s not like I wanted this.
I haven’t been on Tumblr since Friday
and I come back to find someone I had followed for a really long time has passed on. It’s very shocking and sad. I didn’t really “know” her. We just followed each other and spoke via Tumblr a handful of times—always light-hearted stuff, nothing deep or interpersonal.
She was so young, 29. Wow.
I don’t believe in death, not for the one who passes. Death is only real for those left here, left behind. To think that death is The End is unscientific. It’s a violation of the Law of Conservation of Energy. The total amount of energy in an isolated system (the Universe) remains constant. Therefore, energy cannot be created or destroyed, but only transformed or transferred.
There is no greater energy in the Universe than Life itself.
May you enjoy the next step, Amanda.
Very interesting and uplifting perspective!