It’s 12.25% alcohol by weight…so there’s one…getting drunk while maintaining a long lasting peppermint freshness to your breath…
At least he didn’t propose a shotgun wedding. I would hate to see what he would have done with one.
It’s exactly what you think.
That should not feel as natural as it does.
Today I went to Bob Evans (again) because I wanted coffee, breakfast, wifi, and a relatively quiet place to read scholarly publications by the professor I’m going to meet today. Hopefully I don’t fuck up again!
Anyway, the table next to me had three elderly ladies, who I would later learn to all be widows. I will now list their discussion topics.
- Sexting (“I don’t do stuff like that over the phone. We talk about the Bible. But it’s not that I wouldn’t!”)
- Big Bang Theory (“She was singing that song from Big Bang Theory…soft kitty, warm kitty…”)
- Whether or not their waitress had a boyfriend
- Whether or not I had a girlfriend
- Whether or not our waitress thought I was cute
- I’m very cute
- Various reality shows
- Various talk shows
- Having accidents
- Having “accidents”
- Protein shakes
At this point I had to leave. Too funny, though. Wish me luck, y’all! I’ve got a long drive, an important meeting, and then another long drive ahead of me!
Let’s just hope the terrorists never get their hands on a sling shot ride
I worked one of these rides when I was 16 at the local amusement park. We’d give fake countdowns more often than not.
"Okay, five, four, three…" *launch*
"Three…two…one…huh. Uhm, just a second folks, I uh… hmmmm" *launch!*
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven…" "Man, how high are you—" *launch*
|Catherine:||Yeah, her family has horses.|
|Steve:||So they're rich?|
|Catherine:||Yeah, they're pretty rich.|
|Steve:||So they're not going to heaven.|
|Steve:||Bible says, you must sell all you own, give the money to the poor and follow Jesus if you want a shot at getting into heaven.|
|Catherine:||That's not what it says!|
|Steve:||That is totally, 100%, in no uncertain terms what it says.|
|Catherine:||You're twisting the words!|
|Catherine:||Then by that logic, none of us are getting into heaven!|
|Steve:||Are you surprised?|
|Catherine:||Then even the consecrated aren't getting into heaven, because they get to keep one small cross, and that's their "possession".|
|Steve:||Really, and I'm the one twisting the words? If you want to believe that, you can, I guess.|
|Catherine:||YOU'RE TWISTING THE WORDS!|
|Steve:||I'm really not.|
My Stress Management class asks me to keep a journal for 3 weeks. Can I just link to my Tumblr?
Am I the only one who frequently confuses “cl” with a “d”?
So when I see that a company advertises as solving all my problems with a single dick, I give them the benefit of the doubt with a double-take.
What the shit.