Early Onset of Night: Parenting 101

early-onset-of-night:

My kid was at a party doing some underage drinking last Friday night. He doesn’t really have a choice. For some bizarre reason, the drinking age is twenty-one. To drink, he has to break the law. That isn’t criminal. It’s criminalized. Big difference. I have, of course, sat him down and imparted some fatherly wisdom.

“Honey Bunch,” I said to him, “be careful. If the cops show up, run!”

…another underage kid named Brett (the second T is silent).

“They’re a punk band. One of the greatest punk bands of all time,” said Brett with authority, depsite the total lack of scientific evidence.

“You don’t believe in it?” he asked. “But it’s real. It exists. Right now, millions of kids are getting spankings.”

“But don’t worry about it. Thank you, in fact. I could’ve died for oil or someone else’s ideology or something.”

God, I love this guy’s writing. I recognize it’s probably not for everyone, but it is definitely for me. I’ve kept my favorite lines from this post, shown above.

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7. This was featured in #Prose
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20. cleverlilcharlatan said: Can I punch that kid in the face? Your kid sounds pretty awesome(and he was raised by you so I’m sure he is) so I will gladly come over to help y’all deal with that douchebag haha
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24. jmarie3 said: I love you Mike.
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34. nameissteve reblogged this from early-onset-of-night and added:

    God, I love this guy’s writing. I recognize it’s probably not for everyone, but it is definitely for me. I’ve kept my...

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36. nameissteve said: I was having this discussion earlier today, and it’s nice to see what you think of the issue. I think the drinking age should be reduced to at least 18, but the large majority of voters will never care enough for it to pass.
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44. super-sassy-kenzie reblogged this from early-onset-of-night and added:

    I love this guy lol.

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