“Conversations with my coffee and cigarettes, she’s as far from me as heaven but it’s worth it in the end.
I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t worth fighting for. And for every mile marker on this interstate there’s a reason why I’m still here and why she still waits, so someone light a candle for every reason she’s my morning glory.”—"Your Alibi," Red Wanting Blue
I’m ridin a bus. Heading home. Current leg, Philadelphia to Pittsburgh. I’m sitting between two guys yelling across me in some middle-eastern language. Wondering why they didn’t just sit next to each other and let me have a seat by myself. One of them is hacking and weezing an may have just hocked a lugie (I don’t know how to spell it!) tight onto the floor next to him. There is a very Woody-Allen stereotypical man with a yarmulke (boom, spelt that all over the place) two seats ahead, listening to an iPod, yelling into a phone and across the aisle at two different people and actually planning a bar or bat mitzvah.
PBR beanie with a short bill upturned. Tight black hoodie, maroon t shirt. Painfully tight cut off gray jeans. No socks. Some kind of flat shoes with racing stripes. Scrappy facial hair and peircings. Male.
A cool summer morning. Deep green dewy fields. Clouds flying so low that you could shoo them away if you cared to. Trees scattered along a highway landscape. Wipe sleep from your eyes as you look around to find a sight you recognize only from childhood memories, from countless trips to the grandparents’ farm or the cousins’ houses. In the distance now, a dense cityscape, sprawling out into a large suburban populace. It is all home to me, my earliest recollections, and my inspiration. Perhaps all that I know.
I need to move out. Of this house. My mother hates me. My father is incompetent. Everyone knows that we do not get along. My family and I, I mean. It’s really my fault, and it’s no surprise, but I think that the reason that I don’t care how I act around here is because I don’t care what they think of me anymore. I’m never going to be good enough for them or make them proud. Now, I’m still doing my best outside the house, in school and all, but I don’t give a shit around here. Seriously, why should I even try?
So to be clear: if I transfer out of engineering, you say I’m going to be miserable. No, don’t pull that with me, you just said it, just now. No, I cannot know the future, or what will make me happy, but neither can you. I can tell you right now that I am absolutely miserable in what I am doing. So if I stay, I know I’ll be miserable, but if I go, you say I’ll be miserable. Do you see the world that you’ve painted for me? What’s the purpose? It feels as if it is impossible to be happy. You certainly would say so.
Unfortunately, in life, not everyone is fortunate enough to have the means to chase their dreams. However, if you are fortunate enough to chase your dreams, do so. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to every person who is working a job they hate, just to provide services and products that we take for granted every day of our lives. You owe it to your parents for the blessed situation you’ve been put in, and you’d better not be stupid and lose it all. You owe it to God for blessing you with the talents and interests you have, the parents you have, the friends you have, the schools you go to, and everything that could have influenced your life, and everything that readied the world before you. Believe it, work hard, and leave this place better off than when you found it.
“'Happy ending' seems like an oxymoron. Which isn't to say that lives cannot be happy, but rather that the happiness should not be an ending, or a distant objective. Happiness should be now.”—NameIsSteve original.
“We are bound by more than just two hearts living without consequence. This almost changes everything, like promises made in vain. We don’t need to settle down, we love our lives upside-down, to figure out, we are just like love and war.”—"Spies and Lovers," Red Wanting Blue
When I get confused and spun about, I realize that I have time to think. I focus on enjoying and appreciating my life now, and becoming the best person that I can be or my future. I work out and stay in shape. I work to make money, to pay back college. I eat sleep, and breathe. I build relationships. I learn to care, rather than convict. I keep contact. I continue my passion and hobby of music. I listen, eyes closed. I write. I share my ideas. I shrug. I reconsider things that I have assumed. I daydream. So take care of yourself, do the best with your life now, because that’s all you’ve got.