“We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive.”—Thich Nhat Hanh (via cosmofilius)
“Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark.”—N’tima (via kevinidentity)
progressiveresistance said: You know, it’s interesting because I think most people, when it comes right down to it, fear death for exactly that reason; the idea of not having the interactions that sustain them on a day to day basis is terrifying.
Do you think so? I guess people don’t talk about it much. The fear of the unknown, and the unavoidable yet impossible concept of a void, not even that, a LACK of even the perception of a void, are additionally terrifying.
Finally getting around to watching the Zach Sobiech video. Still in the middle of it now. Pretty amazing stuff. Very emotional.
I know a lot of people need this sort of thing, now and then, to remind them of their humanity, and their mortality. For me, it’s just another in a long list of reminders I’ve been having. I still think of Danny on a daily basis. Danny never got the chance to say goodbye to everybody. I don’t know if that’s better or worse. He didn’t have to be here for all the tears, I guess.
I also recently had a scare myself. I feared for my own life and for Zak’s as we were stranded off the coast of an island about a week and a half ago. It’s the closest I’ve ever been to dying, and Zak almost went under water in front of my very eyes. Like I said, it’s just one of the list of things that keeps me thinking about my own life and death.
What do I make of my life? I’m only here for a short period of time. So far, I’ve spent so much of my life in school. What is all this learning for? To build a career, sure. Why do I want that? I don’t want much from life. Now, after accruing such college debt, I need a career to pay all that back. Of course, without having gone to college, I would have never met the people that I’ve met, and made such great friends. Most importantly, I would have never met Kristen.
But what do I make of myself? How can I make my life worthwhile? I like to think that the best way to live ones life isn’t through hard work and accomplishments. I don’t need success. I don’t need recognition. I just want to spend as much time as possible with the people that I love.
It’s kind of hard to explain to people how I’m afraid to die mostly because I wouldn’t get to see them anymore. That kind of thing makes people uncomfortable, but I think it constantly.
Because too many professors just go ape-shit all over your paper. Like, everything in this paper I got back is either highlighted, commented upon, underlined, or crossed-out. Jesus. If you wanted to write the paper, why the hell did you assign it to me? It’s barely even my own intellectual property by the time I’m done revising everything.
I’m just taking it piece by piece, but it’s off to a bad start.
Professor: “Unclear what you mean by this—unconscious level? Please add a few words, perhaps to clarify? Or reword. Right now it seems that you are trying to address the levels of consciousness proposed by Freud (e.g., conscious, pre-conscious, unconscious).”
Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m trying to address. Read the next damn paragraph.
I’m feeling vaguely sad today. I’m just thinking about graduation and life afterwards, and of course, Danny. My family wants me to come home this afternoon for Easter. Interacting with them always stresses me out; they always want to talk about the things I just mentioned as making me sad. And I don’t want to discuss it.
I think it’s time to make coffee and put on some happier music. Americana has the tendency to make me nostalgic, and that’s not what I need right now.
I’m cleaning the campus house. Maybe I’ll feel better eventually. Still not sure if I’ll go home for Easter. I’ll be there soon enough after graduation. They sure as hell won’t miss me if I don’t get any grad school or job opportunities.